Fearful.
Fear.
What happens when you read that word?
A flood of thoughts and images may come to mind. You may even feel it physically in your chest, your throat or down your spine.
Notice how the word itself can spark these sensations, evoking a feeling within you.
Recently, I realized just how powerful fear can be.
We’ve had a string of break-ins near me; and, unfortunately, I got caught in the crosshairs. My car was broken into a few weeks ago. If you’ve ever had your car broken into, then you know it’s a gross feeling, like your sacred space has been violated by a stranger.
Last night, a neighbor stopped me as I got out of my car to not only chit-chat but also to warn me. She noticed I sometimes take my trash out in the evenings or arrive home after dark.
She began to tell me about the break-ins, noting several cars she’s seen lurking around as of late. Repeatedly, she warned me about the dangers of taking my trash out so late (listen, it’s not 2am late) and asked me to stay safe.
Of course, I thanked her and told her I was very appreciative of her concern for me and that I’d take note.
But it didn’t stop there.
Approximately 45 minutes later, I knew all about the other neighbors, what’s happened to them and whose cars were targeted. Basically, she gave me the neighborhood watch rundown!
The entire time, I was completely fine. I’ve never thought twice about going outside when it’s dark or late. And standing there listening to her, fearful thoughts never crossed my mind...
Until I went inside.
I hadn’t been fearful until she told me to be fearful.
That evening, I found myself anxiously checking my locks. Wait, what? Yesterday none of this bothered me; and I’ve never felt unsafe where I live until someone told me I should feel unsafe.
Those were her fears. Not mine.
My neighbor had inadvertently projected her fears onto me.
That is the power of fear - it can be contagious.
It’s only when you realize the power of your thoughts that you can stop fear from taking control of your life. If you’re not intentional about protecting your mental space, you may not even realize when fear holds you back from really living the life of your dreams.
Have you ever stayed quiet when you wanted to speak up because you were afraid of what others might think? Or not taken a leap of faith because you feared the outcome?
This is fear-based thinking, even when it’s subtle. And it controls your decisions.
In the coaching world, we often talk about how circumstances create thoughts. Those thoughts elicit emotions, and those emotions drive behavior.
Circumstances > Thoughts > Emotions > Behavior
My neighbor is a prime example of her emotion - fear - driving her behavior...a.k.a. The reason why she feels obligated to tell others, is terrified to go outside and constantly checks her locks.
Her thoughts around the break-ins created emotions like anxiety and fear, and she behaved based on those emotions.
The truth is - you and me, we’re only human. And, unfortunately, fear-based thinking has been programmed into us all.
Look at most advertising campaigns these days - they prey on your fears. Afraid of ruining your new dress? Get the toughest paper towels to clean up the job. Afraid of a car wreck? Call the general. Afraid of your booty showing in yoga class? Wear this brand of yoga pants. Don’t want to be talked about at school? Wear this deodorant or use this mouthwash.
From insurance to hygiene products, fear is an underlying theme in so many messages we’re bombarded with on a daily basis.
It’s up to us to put a stop to this inherited generational way of thinking.
How do you do it? It all begins with changing your thoughts. Sounds simple enough, right?
You’re probably thinking, “Easier said than done.” And you’re not wrong.
But it’s true - change your thoughts and you’ll change your life.
In order to change them, you have to realize they’re even there. Use this worksheet to help you bring awareness to the areas of your life where fear may be present.
Until next time, friend, much love + gratitude.