Censored.

True confession - I censored myself today. Now listen, discerning when, where, and what you share is a gift. That’s not what I did. I allowed fear to keep me from sharing. And honestly, it felt gross.

Here’s how it went down.

I was recording a podcast episode with Brandi Gilstrap this morning. She knows my story - the down and dirty version I’m about to share with you. Prior to hitting record, we were chatting when I learned she lived in Tuttle. Small world, my ex and his family are from Tuttle and it’s where I lived while married. We dug a bit to realize she doesn’t know my former in-laws. 

Then the recording starts...

Brandi introduced me and asked me to dive into my own transformational journey. What was the catalyst?

In that moment, I couldn’t bring myself to say it all started with an affair. Instead, I said my ex and I had marital troubles. True - however, that’s a watered-down description of the agonizing pain I experienced when my husband wouldn’t come home or when I walked outside to see every piece of clothing hanging in his truck as he was preparing to leave.

As I mentioned, Brandi - the podcast host, lives in Tuttle. What if she ran into my ex at the grocery store? Maybe her husband knows him? Because I don’t want anyone to think ill of him, I protected him….at my own expense….again.

At the end of the day, I suffered from thinking his choice to have an affair was a direct reflection of my ability to choose a good mate. That’s where fear stopped me today. If I shared the full truth, what would Brandi think of me? What would her listeners think of me?

When do I get to share my side? When do I get to help other women feel seen and heard? When can I use my story to help heal the parts of me that are still broken?

Sharing is therapeutic.

Does everyone have a right to hear your story? No. Only you get to choose who you let in and how much you share. 

As Brandi says, at first you filter. Been there, done that! Then, you enter the awkward messy middle where you tell a little bit but not the whole story. It’s like trying on different suits to see which version feels most comfortable to you. Lastly, Brandi talks about the magic that happens when you let down walls and speak life into all you’ve been through. You let it out. You cry. Others cry. And, possibly for the first time, you and others feel seen and heard. It’s healing to you. It’s also healing to the listener.

That magic - I’ve experienced it again and again. Actually, magic seems too small of a word for the healing that happens. Miracle feels more appropriate.

But today, I regressed. In doing so, I let you - the listener - down. I’m sorry for that.

Did I share? YES! Will it be an amazing, powerful episode when it comes out? Absolutely! But will there be a listener who needed to know she wasn’t alone that I let down? Unfortunately, YES.

Telling your story is not about airing dirty laundry or persecuting others along the way. You get to decide what parts you share and the depths you’re willing to go with others.

The filter I like to use in all conversations is this: TRUE, KIND, NECESSARY.

• TRUE: Is what you’re sharing about your story (or anything, really) true? Do you know the facts? My ex did have an affair so yes, that’s true.

• KIND: Are the words you’re using kind to yourself, the listener, and others? There’s no need to embellish the story by adding adjectives to “fluff” or make it bigger than necessary. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Is it kind to say, “My ex had an affair?” To me, it’s healing. It’s owning a dark season of my life. Is it particularly mean? Not necessarily. Now, if I shared the dirty details of the dark season, that’s when I’d cross into the unkind territory toward both myself and him. The motivation to share would be more about punishing or condemning the actions rather than healing and helping.

• NECESSARY: Is it necessary? Only you can decide. If sharing my story helps another woman make a choice to listen to her gut, then yes, I believe it is necessary. Giving criticism or placing blame, on the other hand, are probably not necessary to move forward in life. 

Where have you neglected to own your story? Where have you censored yourself to protect others?

I’m always available to offer a safe space for you to share and uncover your truths. Email me. Message me. Call me. Send a carrier pigeon. Whatever it takes to move forward! 

Here’s to owning my story and sharing without censorship. If I can do it, I know you can too!