Magic + Manifesting.
Did I mention I took this crazy, little adventure to the magical island of Bali in January? Because I did. And it was life-changing. How, you ask? The Universe gave me 3 distinct gifts that transformed the way I live – perseverance, an awakening, and clarity. I didn’t seek them out and certainly didn’t realize how much I needed them. But I’m so grateful for each gift. Let me share with you how each came to be.
*Full disclaimer – tears flowed freely in Bali. They were necessary, freeing and completely happy!
{ Perseverance }
It’s impossible, said pride. It’s risky, said experience. It’s pointless, said reason. Give it a try, whispered the heart.
It’s 3 a.m. and dark as can be. I’m tired and a tad cranky. We begin our ascent up the volcano, Mt. Batur. A trail of flashlights precede me and as I look ahead, all I see are the tiny specks of light from my fellow travelers. We’re all climbing, hoping to reach the summit in time for sunrise. As I climb, I fall further and further behind. My lungs – I can’t breathe. And my thighs, surely they’re on fire. You’d think I’ve never worked out a day in my life. But I press on not wanting to hold up the group. I continue to struggle. Just a few more steps I tell myself. Up ahead, I see the landing where the group is awaiting my arrival. When I reach the flat ground, I turn around and my breath hitches as the tears flow. I made it. It isn’t sunrise yet but spread before me I can see the lights of the tiny villages below and the reflection of boats on the water. And I can make out the faint outline of another mountain. But my team beckons. Wait, what? What do you mean we’re only halfway there? And so, I press on. My steps are slower this time and my breathing becomes more labored. “I am breathing in; I am breathing out,” I repeat to myself as I climb. Yet, I continue to struggle. The 30-second dance parties and words of encouragement from my friends were the only reasons I kept going. I did it for them because they were doing so much to encourage me. Quitting would have been so easy. “Leave me here, I’ll take that view,” I said. But they wouldn’t leave me. So, I pressed on. And, moments before the sun rose over the mountain, I reached the summit. My tears flowed with joy. Settling is easy. Complacency is easy. But the view that awaits us from the top is worth it. Every. Single. Time. And so, I press on. I persevere.
{ Awakening }
The truth is, the universe has been answering all your life. In order to receive the answers, you have to be awake. You are awake now.
I love to talk with God, but always in generalities. I’m not certain when or why I do this, just always have. You could say I’ve never had a clear direction for what I wanted and so it was easier to not really ask for anything at all – except world peace of course! However, I wanted to know if God was comfortable with me asking for exactly what I wanted. So, I lay in bed on Tuesday night and talked to him as if he were on the bed next to me. “Okay God,” I said. “I know I’m not supposed to test you, but right now I totally am doing just that.” I asked for an irrefutable sign in the next 48 hours that he’s completely okay with me asking for what I want out of life. “Open my eyes, Lord, that I may see your sign whatever it is,” I prayed. Help my heart and mind to remain open to accept your sign. Fast forward 12 or so hours to the crater of Mt. Batur. I’m off to the side of the group alone, reflecting on this incredible feat I accomplished when a monkey crawls up my back and makes his way to my head. I immediately flinch my arms and fists and close my eyes, scared of what the monkey will do. Then, a peace like nothing I can explain washes over me. The monkey, perched upon my head, takes the palms of his hands and gently places each on top of my closed eyelids. Slowly but surely, he literally lifts each eyelid to open my eyes. I glance up and the monkey is peering over my head (he’s upside down to me) staring at me with his big golden eyes. And I cry. We sit there for what felt like 10 minutes while I cried – me staring at him and him staring back. I get it, God. I get it. You gifted me with the answer I sought and my eyes are wide open now.
{ Clarity }
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
On our last full day, I laid on my yoga mat awaiting the start of class. The music begins to gently play. Off in the distance, I hear Jackie instructing me to breathe, and I do just that. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. I begin to meditate. And in pops a thought. This place, these people, this experience – it was all meant just for me. I am exactly where I need to be at this moment. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. This past year, I’ve been searching for who I am post-divorce. And there, on my mat at the start of class, I tell myself, “This is who you were meant to be.” Inhale. Exhale. And a voice, so loud and clear as day, says back to me, “No. This is who you are. Who you’ve always been.” And I cried. I’d covered her up with so many layers of fear, doubt, guilt, shame that I didn’t even recognize the woman in the mirror. She’s beautiful. And strong. And resilient. She’s me. And I am her. Always have been.
It’s not about what it is. It’s about what it can become.
You see, Bali taught me to persevere, woke me up and provided me with the clarity I sought. These lessons were always within my reach. I simply wasn’t ready to receive them. But now that I have them, watch out world. I’m manifesting great things in my life. Just you wait and see!