Making Mistakes.

Have you ever made a mistake? You think you know better but then repeat it. Tell me I’m not alone in this!? 😩

For those of you who don’t know, I also run a coworking space which is often rented out for baby showers or workshops. Last weekend, I put my phone away (Yay! Right?) and completely missed the 10 calls from a renter who was having trouble accessing the space. Luckily, I felt the need to Google something and stumbled upon my error in time for her to still set up and host the event.

You’d think I learned my lesson, right? Wrong.

Not even 24 hours later, I did it again. But this time it’s worse because I completely forgot the event was even happening. After 4 silenced calls from the same number over the course of an hour I figured something was up. The renter finally gained access to our space as her guests were arriving. Talk about a flop!

I immediately went into a shame cycle. Maybe you’ve been there before?

“Ugh, I should have known better.”
“How can I be so stupid?!”
“I’m a terrible person. They’re going to hate me.”

That negative inner critic can scream so loudly and the spiral can catch you off guard if you let it.

Here’s what coaching has taught me:
💛 Your inner critic can speak up regardless of how much work you’ve done on yourself.
💛 We all make mistakes.
💛 The more work you’ve done on yourself the quicker you’re able to notice the shame cycle and re-frame your thinking.

Here’s what I do to combat my negative inner critic and stop the cycle. The next time you find yourself in a spiral, see if these ideas help you too.

• Sit with the emotions. Notice where you feel the shame/anger/guilt in your body. Don’t try to ignore it or force it away. Just breathe. Deep breaths help take you out of your head and back into your body.

• Journal what’s going through your head. Get those words and phrases out of your head and onto paper where they can’t have such a hold on you. Re-read your words. Scratch through the lies. Re-frame your thoughts and replace them with truth. Instead of “I’m so stupid” I shifted my thoughts to “I’m allowed to make mistakes” and “I’m learning.” Both of those felt truer to me than my stupidity.

• Talk to someone you trust about what happened. An outsider can listen to you vent, reassure you that you're not alone and help you gain perspective without being judgy. My good friend Ashley was able to see gaps in my communication process that I hadn’t identified before.

• Ask yourself what you learned from the situation and how you can do better or be better in the future. Then take the necessary steps, if any, to make that happen. I let go of some of the control I thought I needed to have in order to improve my communication and make it easy to do business with me. My renters will be better for it.

Changing your habits, beliefs and inner critic is an ongoing process. Just when you think you have it mastered, you face a challenging scenario like I did. We all make mistakes. Its times like these that let you see how far you’ve come, and also acknowledge where more work can be done. Coaching equips you to do just that.

I’m grateful I have the tools necessary to do my inner work - tools I can access over and over again as I continue to face challenges and shape my future.

If you’re in need of tools to help with your own transformation, start with some of the suggestions above. If you want a more in-depth discussion about how to apply these to your unique scenario, book a free discovery call.